Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
