im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
