he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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