There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
