Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
