just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
