I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
