No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
