sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
