I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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