Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
