thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
