Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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