Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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