Plan B is the new Plan A
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
