U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
