i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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