never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
