i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
