i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
