he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
