There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
