That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize