haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just found puke in my bra..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
