i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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