so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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