I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
