Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
