So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
