I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
