He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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