we have pet lesbian snakes
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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