the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize