why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
