i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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