I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
