im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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