He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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