Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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