I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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