ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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