Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
