At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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