fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
