My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
