so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize