i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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