I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
