You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
