my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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