so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
