Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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