My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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