Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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