Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
