Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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