There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
