You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
how does that bad decision feel?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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