i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
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