last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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