I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
