It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
