Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
