New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
