She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
