then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
