I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
