no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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