Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it hurts more in the daytime
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
