I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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