So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
