Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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