I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
