help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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