I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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